He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
