I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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