haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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