so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just found puke in my bra..
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
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