so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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