So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
