Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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