she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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