Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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