Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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