Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize