I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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