Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
