i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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