And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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