I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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