after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
