i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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