1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
