you didnt know i had herpes?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
