I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
