it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Someone came in the potted fern
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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