I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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