We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
im six kinds of drunk right now
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
