oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
