hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
