I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
