dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Mom said you looked used
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
