My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
