It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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