Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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