1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
