the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i think i have two assholes
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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