How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
