i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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