what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
