she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
