hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
