my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
