i just google imaged poop.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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