But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
