i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
