he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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