Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize