8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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