are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
