a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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