The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
