hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
my phone needs a breathalizer
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
