508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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