I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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