I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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