that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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