By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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