im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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