I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
