I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
