I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
