I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize