I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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