the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
