I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
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