Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
