it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Randomize
