So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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