when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Randomize
