he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
