i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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