I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
