Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
