I'm lost and stupid without you.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
