a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Randomize
