I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
