90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
