I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
