if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize