The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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