so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
