Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
