Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
only if we run a train.
done.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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