We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
