I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
