She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
