Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
