it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
